


A Tragic Tale of Tom Bombadil on the Cutting Room Floor

by Grondfic



Category: The Lord of the Rings (Movies)
Genre: Gen, verse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-27
Updated: 2017-03-27
Packaged: 2018-10-11 17:23:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 217
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10470204
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Grondfic/pseuds/Grondfic
Summary: (..in which it is proved conclusively that the author is constitutionally unable to pronounce Mr Mortensen's first name the same twice running ..........)An account of the tragic consequences of the non-appearance of Tom Bombadil in the LOTR films.





	

Ho Tom Bombadil, Tom Bombadillo!  
Enya might have sung his song, with breathing all a-trillo.  
But - Tom Bombadil never made the movie,  
He (like Scouring of the Shire) was deemed to be ungroovy.  
Chorus:  
Poor Tom Bombadil, banished like a bumpkin!  
They've gone and put him out to grass, along with Fatty Lumpkin!

Hey dol! Merry dol! Ring a ding a dillo!  
Tom will never be a star, along with old Man Willow.  
Tom will never cause a stir; Tom will not be big-oh;  
Nor face the fans at premieres with Orli, 'Lij' and Viggo.  
(Chorus)

Tom turns sadly home again; he'll never be like Viggo;  
But Goldberry will heal his hurts, and boost his wounded ego.  
Alas, alack for Bombadil; he finds the River Daughter  
Has run off with a passing Orc to live a life of slaughter!  
(Chorus)

Now Tom Bombadil he is a tragic fellow,  
Food-stained his jacket is, his countenance quite yellow.  
Palsied is the trembling hand that pours another brandy.  
He follows on with alcopop, then vodka, rum and shandy.  
(Chorus)

Drunken Tom he rambles on - "I should have been a star-oh;  
And had adoring Hobbit-maids, and drove a fancy car-oh!"  
Old Man Willow severs ties; Tom's life and mind both dwindle,  
Until he's found face-down and floating in the Withywindle.  
(Chorus)


End file.
